Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Musings on a Fellow Blogger's post...

It started out as just a little question--one sentence from Anne.

I'd love to hear from you, too: how have you been encouraged and nurtured as an artist?

And it continued as an internal dialogue that has made me rethink things. See, a few years ago I started writing novels in November. I'd always been a voracious reader and my need of pens and paper and labels and all manner of things was legend at home.

When other kids asked for barbies, I asked for a legal pad or a book. Now, I got that barbie too, because my parents (I'm talking my mom and (step)dad didn't think it was cool to just get paper or pens or office supplies for presents.

I went to career day in jeans and a sweater and when people asked 'What are you?' I said, 'I'm a writer, or maybe a lawyer, but mostly a writer working from home.' *Yes, I've never been able to give a short answer, even at 11*

And when I told my parents what I was trying to accomplish, I remember my dad laughing, "What do you want to do that for?" and I will admit it stung. After all, we're always trading book lists and talking about weird books. My mom was just like 'Oh' I mean, she tried to be supportive in college, but I think it was always just 'okay give me what you wrote.' We didn't talk about it.

Surprisingly, my biggest cheering team in the writer arena was my father and continues to be. He always asks how the writing is going, and now, because I rarely have time, I have to admit that it's not going as well as I'd hoped. That I want to get some time and feel like a writer and produce something worthwhile and go through the submissions again.

And it's just not happening because there's so much to be done. Cleaning up, getting things ready for the festival, organizing a work area/scrap space... And with work, I just want to go home and sleep. Maybe it's a nasty case of the doldrums or maybe there's a fear inside that I'm afraid to show--that for the first time I might try something, put my all into it and not accomplish it. Normally I don't try, and I'm still okay... But what if I fail at something I really want?

This became too much of a downer too quickly and for that I'm sorry. But the moral of the story is this: If you really want to do something, do it. Life is too short to live with regret.

Now, onto trying to listen to my own advice!
I have a music player below my current posts. And I challenge you to take a listen to the first song. You have to select it and then press play (I decided not to have it playing automatically, because it's a pretty loud song)... It's a song that I think really tipifies my creative journey, it's called 'The Middle' and it's by Jimmy Eat World. I remember buying this cd when I was in college, and I can't help but smile every time I hear it.

And when you have a minute, stop by and check it out!

1 comment:

Anne said...

Hi, GothamGal! Wow. I struggle with this same fear myself a lot! What if I go after something I really want and don't get it? I am slowly learning to "feel the fear and do it anyway". And that the best way to fight fear is to take action. Small little incremental actions if necessary. But anytime I feel that fear, I rush to take some small action toward my goal to squash that fear like a bug! Good luck! :-)